Friday, July 29, 2011

Not Cricket

Call me cynical, but I don’t think the outcome of the British-India test match at Lords was quite kosher. I mean Zaheer Khan and Tendulkar conveniently disabled?

For the remaining tests in the series I suggest the Indian team be fortified against psychological upset (like talk of a Dhoni disqualification), and be very conscious of the people around them, especially in elevators. They should also ensure the quality of their food and water, and have an expert on Defence Against the Dark Arts do a quick check that there are no mentally disorienting technologies in their hotel rooms.

This might seem like over the top suspicion, but I’ve just finished writing a book focusing on British rule of India, and it’s been an eye-opener. The British have never been fair when they play India, on the field or off.

And while we’re on the subject, why exactly is NDTV so bent on using the word “little” in talking of Tendulkar? “Little Master” was the condescending coinage of British sportswriters when he was 16; now when he bestrides the cricket world like a colossus, it is a rank put down. NDTV’s Woody Woodpecker styled cricket correspondent used “little” four times in his opening day remarks, once saying "the focus is on the little man.” Is someone paying him to say it?

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